This and That
by DXRULES103
Summary: A casual argument that turns into something more complicated. ratings may change
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimers: I do not own Ocean's Eleven/Ocean's Twelve/Ocean's Thirteen. Never will. Sadly…

Awkward and Shallow

"Shallow, very shallow." Danny said as he took a drink of his whiskey.

Rusty just grinned and shook his head. "Not that shallow," he replied.

"Shallow." Danny insisted. He raised an eyebrow and looked up at the TV. It was a game show. Jeopardy.

"Ok Danny. The shallowness isn't the problem." Rusty quirked back.

Danny nodded in agreement. "Of course. The awkwardness was."

Rusty again shook his head silently and ran his hand through his hair.

"It wasn't my fault," he tried to say but Danny merely nodded it off.

"Right. Bud did you have to charm the pants off that Algerian girl?" Danny complained.

Rusty shrugged it off saying, "Can't help it."

"And what 'bout that Siberian tale? Did you have to say it?" Danny ranted on as he took another swift drink of his drink.

Rusty once more shrugged and sighed.

"And that after effect? Just plain shallow." Danny finished.

"And Awkward."

Rusty nodded. He sure knew how bad it was. Damn, he thought, really bad.

"Awkward and shallow." Great.


	2. Chapter 2

Danny and Rusty were now back at Danny's apartment still arguing on the subject they talked about in the bar. And it was getting rather heated.

"I told you that if you told the Siberian tale the guy would show his face to you and BOOM! Take you down, but noo you don't listen. You never listen." Danny complained as he sat down on the couch and turned on the TV.

"So what? I had to. If I didn't Andre wouldn't have given us the mark's juice." Rusty said trying to assure himself that he did the right thing.

Danny laughed his laugh and threw a pillow at his friend. "That's bull and you know it. You were never good at telling the Siberian tale and never will be. Just face it. I am the one who should do the talking for now on," he stated suggestively.

"That's stupid and you know it. I always do the talking. It's my incentive," Rusty mocked back. "Besides your words tend to get you in some serious- trouble."

At that Danny chokes on his _spit_. "Me in talking gets me in serious trouble?" he starts doubtfully. "That's just absurd."

"It's not. Remember Hemingway? When you started to do the Yellow Basket job on him but forgot and mentioned the yellow basket?" Rusty replied with his own quirked assurance of doubt.

"Me? I didn't forget. I merely told you to remind me that I needed to not mention a yellow basket but noo. Once again you forget yourself like some mental patient and doze off into some far off land!" Danny shouted back.

"I didn't doze off," Rusty huffed but said nothing more.

"You dozed."

"Did not."

"Did too."

"That shit and you know it."

"If it were shit we would have had the money by now."

"I thought money wasn't everything to you?"

"It isn't."

"Second to what your hair gel!?!"

"Same for you!"

"Oh Danny you are such a dimwit."

"Oh Rusty you don't know how to make a comeback."

"Touché."

"Cliché."


	3. Chapter 3

The two men were now sleeping. Danny was lying awkwardly on his back with one leg draped over the shoulder cushion and another on the table. Rusty was lying on Danny's lap with a pillow over his head. He legs were curled up.

To anyone who would happen to see such a moment would immediately think that something "fishy" was occurring. That maybe these two men were closer than one would think but no, this is not the cause. These two men on Daniel Ocean and the other Rusty Ryan go themselves in this position by mere drunkenness of sleep. A very drunken sleep after a long night of drinking and arguing.

The sky was grey but the sun crept silently out of the mist. It was early morning as the pale moon fades. One of the men is about to wake up.

"Hmmm…." Rusty mumbled weakly.

Danny wiggled a bit but didn't mess up the positions of their bodies. He raised his hand in the air and waved it, then he placed it on Rusty's hair and started to pet it until he stopped as Rusty's hair got even messier than it already was.

"Lmmmm." Rusty once again mumbled. He started to stir but stopped and huffed out tightly.

"Take the car out. Money ain't gonna sl-ip u…up." Danny said, intently focused in his dream.

"Hmm.. burger… wit.. fries.. I mite throw it away… neva eat I do…." Rusty's drawled reply in his own dream.

"It's a slipping!"

"Uh, not that way.."

"What?"

"Uh?"

"Gre..ate. it's gonna fu-a-uh-ke."

"Drup thye chese…."

And then an abrupt knock came and instantly woke them up. Groggily Danny opened his eyes while Rusty did too but with quicker force. They looked around the room but found their friend wasn't there. And then they both felt warmth on them and under them.

The knock came again but the two were too busy on widening their eyes and looking up and down at each other and suddenly realizing their awkward fate.

"Rust?" "Dan?" they both said simultaneously. And then quicker than they ever could of thought they jumped up. Rusty was now standing halfway across the room wiping his pants and shirt as if something disgusting or a gerbil was on them. Danny on the other hand was still sitting where he sat. But he was frozen as he tried to figure out what exactly happened.

Rusty glanced quickly at the door and back to Danny. He didn't know what to do first: find out what the hell happened last night or answer the door and postpone that. Again the knock came and Danny didn't even flinch.

Sighing and rolling his eyes Rusty opened the door. In front was a scrawny man with a red and white shirt on with a cap that said Pizza Hut and the name tag said: Leroy. Rusty rubbed his eyes and looked at the teen up and down.

"What you want?" he annoyingly asked.

The teen blinked. "I have an order for three large combo pizzas. No olives, extra onions, add garlic, no sauce, beans, and a tulip. We have no beans or tulips but I did bring you some jelly ones and a sunflower that I plucked by someone's house."

He put the container of the pizza and the flower with the jelly beans and extended it to him. But Rusty waved it away.

He felt a head ache come forward and rubbed his head. "I don't remember ordering anything."

The scrawny teen blinked once again. "Um, sir, you did."

Rusty turned to Danny who was now running his fingers through his hair and looking at himself and the couch. "You order anything?" he asked.

"Nah!" was the quick answer and if Rusty was listening right he also mumbled, "What the heck happened? Rust you switch man!"

Shrugging the insulting comment off, Rusty stared at the young man. He tapped the side of the door impatiently and mumbled to himself, "Drunken plow herder!"

"What time did we um- how do I say- order these?" he then asked.

"Well it's about-" he checked his watch. "About nine o'clock so you guys ordered at two a.m. But the strange thing is that you guys ordered from the one twenty miles from here and wouldn't change your minds so I." he paused. "So I need you ta pay cuz I have another order up and it takes more than four hours to get back home."

Rusty gave him a blank look. "Right."

He checked his pockets and took random things out while searching for something to pay him with. He took out toothpicks, napkins, fake IDs, a crumpled straw, two pieces of paper that apparently held numbers (from ladies), and stuff that even Rusty didn't know he had. Each time he picked these things out, he with humor looked at them and threw them aside as if the room couldn't be any messier. But he found nothing; no credit card, no check, and no money. He appeared to be broke.

Shrugging it off he turned to Danny who was putting ice down his back and shuddering at the coolness that touched his skin. "You have any?" he asked pulling his pockets up to show that it was empty.

Danny rolled his eyes. "Do I look like I have any money?"

"I don't. You do pay for everything."

"No I don't. I only make the plans. You pay for it and do the talking. Pay."

"No thank you."

"Very well. I won't."

"Fine."

"Fine."

Pause.

"Pay for it!"

"Apparently I don't have anything to pay with!"

"Bribe the guy!"

"He can hear you!"

"Whatever el stupido."

"I am not stupid."

"You are. At least I don't get soo upset when a random person or a friend touches your so called god-like hair!"

"I do not get upset." Pause. "I have god-like hair? No I don't get riled up like a horny person."

"Do too."

"Do not."

Pause and a huff.

"You get riled up you bonzo!"

"Oh, shush."

"Just pay."

"No."

"Then I won't"

"Fine neither will I. We'll both be screwed. After all we both apparently called a guy from somewhere far and we probably owe him more money than what it should freaking cost. What we do? Drive up there and say we're sorry but the only excuse we have was that we were drunk with madness and didn't know that we were ordering three pizzas. No three large combo pizzas with whatever and what's not to be on! And a tulip and beans! What the hell is that! No, jelly beans and a freaking flower. Great just great! We definitely slept on the wrong side of the bed."

Pause. The delivery man looked back and forth between the two. He was kind of freaked out and interested in their bickering.

"C'mon Daniel."

"Rusty... c'mon!"

"Search for some under the couch."

"Why would they be under the freaking couch?"

"Just 'cuz."

Silence. The two went silent and just stared at each other. It was like a battle of wills between two very stubborn men. The delivery guy looked back and forth between them but didn't say a thing.

"Um, I need the-" he was about to finish but received a simultaneous shout, "Shut up!"

The guy nodded to himself and muttered, "You two woke up on the wrong side of the bed."

Hearing this Rusty and Danny flashed back to when they woke up and saw themselves in a ridiculous situation. Danny frowned slightly as Rusty closed his eyes and sighed.

"So we did," Rusty agreed.

Danny looked at himself and bent down on his stomach and searched under the couch. He put in his hand under and moved to the left trying to find something.

"Anything?" the delivery guy and Rusty asked at the same time. Rusty glanced at the pizza guy and back, shaking his head.

"Nada!" was the pale slightly muffled reply.

"Look under the cushions. I know one of us had a wallet." Rusty mentioned.

Now bending on his knees Daniel glared at Rusty and took out all three bottom cushions and looked around. He saw nothing until in the corner he saw a small brown leather wallet. He smiled mischievously for he recognized that it was his own wallet. He glanced to his buddy and found him with his eyes closed, his head erected to the wall. He then took out Rusty's wallet from under the couch and switched them. He put his own in under the second couch and Rusty's in his hand.

"I found one, Rust!" he called.

Out of his awkward reverie, Rusty blinked mildly and extended his hand out to Danny. "Thanks…"

"Yup," Daniel said, snickering to himself as he sat back on the couch and threw the wallet over to him.

Catching it with one hand, Rusty took out a few bills and questioned the delivery man, "How much is it?"

"Hundred and forty." Pizza Guy answered.

Daniel coughed and turned. He carefully muffled his laugh.

Rusty raised an eyebrow. "Hundred and forty. What? Why? How?"

"Because the whole order cost forty bucks and the rest is for the gas I had to use and the gas I will use for the next few hours," he answered.

Shaking his head and muttering a few curse words, Rusty looked at the bills and counted that they were exactly one hundred and forty dollars in bills of twenty. He regretfully handed it to the delivery man and in turn took the pizzas, the pack of jelly beans, and the withering flower.

"Nice serving you, sir." Pizza Guy said.

Rusty slammed the door shut and turned to Danny who was grinning from ear to ear.

"What?" he asked.

"Nothing." Danny replied.

"It's something."

"Not something or anything."

"Stop that."

"Why?"

"You covering up."

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

Danny just laughed and stood up. He walked to Rusty and placed his hand on his shoulder. "Thanks, Rust," was all he said before turning towards the desk on his left and walking to it grabs an empty bottle. He picked it up and said:

"Refill?"

Rusty didn't know what this was about as Danny walked toward the small kitchen with the bottle. He shrugged and was about to throw the wallet back to the couch until he recognized something. A familiar crease was on the leather. It was his wallet.

"I've been looking for you."

Then realizing that Danny switched the wallets he scrunched his face up as his eyes glinted with an almost deadly mischievousness.

He threw the wallet up and caught it back with his other hand.

"Hey, Daniel!"


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimers: I do not own Ocean's 11/12/13. I wish I did but I won't. It's short but I swear there will be more. I'm free in this summer.

"Look what you did!"

"What I did? If I remember correctly, you helped create this mess too!"

"You started it!"

"I may have but you and your instigating self, instigated all of this."

"Did not!"

"Right…"

"You do realize that I'll be dead because of you!" Danny cried, fear slightly creeping into his eyes.

"Not my fault." Rusty scoffed. "You deserve it after all this."

He motioned his hand to the whole room; to all of the condo.

Everything was broken, torn, shredded, or pierced. If was as if a tornado passed by the whole complexity of the room.

Danny looked down at his torn Armani suit that lay in rags on the table. He sighed and complained, "That was my favorite suit."

"Please!" Rusty pointed at his bare feet. "You stole my shoes! Why would you want my shoes?"

Danny shrugged. "They never really looked good on you."

"I'm hurt." Rusty sarcastically mocked placing his hand over his heart.

"You should be." Danny started shoveling through the room. He muttered to himself, "The cruel bastard. Look at all of this. Horrible!"

"Well, shouldn't have used my money to pay that delivery boy!"

"Can you blame me? Why would I want to use my own wallet and throw you it to use my precious paper for something you started?"

"That doesn't make any sense."

"You don't make any sense."

"Danny... I think we are going to have a serious problem…"


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimers: I do not own Ocean's Eleven/Twelve/Thirteen. I never will.

"Are you sure they'll believe it?"

"They better."

"What do you mean 'they better'?"

"It'll work."

"Better work."

"Shut up."  
"You shut up."

Danny and Rusty were standing on a different condo's balcony. They were each leaning on a railing.

"When they come in let me explain first." Danny said, he took a sip of his cognac and nodded towards the door.

"Fine, better you than me." Rusty replied, biting a piece of his burger.

Danny strangely looked at him. "What?" Rusty asked. "I'm just saying that you have a better time convincing the ladies of what we are up to or what we "supposedly" have done."

"Right…" Danny sighed.

"You don't believe me!"

"Right…"

"You are a cruel man for thinking what you're thinking."

"Right…"

"Can you anything besides 'right'?!?"

A grin. "Wrong."

"DANNY!" "RUSTY!"

Danny and Rusty shuddered.

"We're in deep shit."

"Right…"


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimers: I do not own Ocean's Eleven, Ocean's Twelve, or Ocean's Thirteen and I never will.

"We are definitely gonna die."

"We are not. Just stay calm. Like I said before let me talk."

"Alright then. Oh, man here they come."

And so Rusty was right when a very angry looking Tess and Isabel came out into the balcony.

They were both fuming while Tess' face showed annoyance while Isabel's showed irritation.

"We found a very disturbing thing." Tess slowly started with a slight evil hiss.

That hiss made Danny shudder. He knew that hiss. It was a reprimanding hiss. The hiss was absolutely horrible to be hissed at.

"It seems the room that we got for you two has been totally destroyed." Isabel also continued slowly but her voice had no hiss because instead it was really, really soft.

That softness made Rusty wince. He knew that wince. It was an admonishing softness. The softness was undoubtedly bad to be said softly at.

They both looked at each other trying to come up with something to say. Instead Tess interrupted, "Now I really hope there is some and I mean some… explanation for all of this."

Rusty opened his mouth but Isabel cut in, "Everything has been destroyed. The furniture that we chose, the clothes we chose, and the alcohol seemed to have drained."

They both looked at the men expectantly. Their eyes pierced the men's. They were definitely pissed.

For sometime the men didn't say anything to defend themselves. No, they just stared back and forth from their lady loves' eyes to the floor when finally Rusty nudged Danny.

"You see while you two beautiful ladies were out…" he started, quickly thinking of a way out. "We (indicating him and Rusty with his hands) were already set to do a job."

"By yourselves?" Tess just as quickly asked.

Rusty nodded. "By ourselves…" Danny continued. He pinched the bridge of his nose. "But then we had a little problem since Rust-man over here totally screwed us over."

"Hey! I did not screw us over. I merely made the wrong move. I'm getting older every day… Lay off of me!" Rusty said in his defense.

Tess and Isabel just nodded but it was easily seen that the two weren't going to be appeased.

"Older every day, eh! That's what you get for using all those products to keep your features alive and well! Now you're going to become a wrinkled hag." Danny snickered.

Rusty immediately slapped his friend on the shoulder. Isabel said in a very impatient tone, "To the point!"

"Sorry!" Danny quickly apologized. He glared at Rusty who just glared back. Returning his gaze to the ladies he continued, "So we went to the bar and started arguing."

Rusty interrupted, "Well Danny was arguing… I was just trying to keep everything calm."

In return for that statement Rusty was punched on side by Danny. "Aw!" Rusty exclaimed.

"Would you two stop acting like a pair of teenagers and get on with it?!?" Tess said. Her eyes were blazing.

Rusty glared harder at Danny and in turn Danny glared harder back at Rusty. Finally breaking away, Danny continued, "Sorry, Tess. Anyways… We were obviously drinking at the bar and when we returned to the apartment slash condo you two gave us the arguing started-both of us started it- some more and we started once again to drink."

But the men both saw the ladies anger growing and growing and they realized that Danny shouldn't have mentioned that they were drinking.

So Rusty took over. "We didn't drink that much." But the glares he received from the ladies made him recant, saying, "Okay, so we drank more than much."

"And we are sorry that we destroyed the apartment slash condo you two gave us while we were in our drunken state." Danny added.

"Plus we both had a very bad three days." Rusty put in.

"We couldn't control ourselves."

"And the alcohol just was too tempting."

"So we had to drink it."

"Okay, rephrase that. We didn't have to."

"But we did anyway."

"So the ignorance was partially in play."

"And the loss of judgment was another key."

And that was it. They waited for Tess' and Isabel's reaction. For awhile they both saw nothing in the ladies' faces instead the ladies backed away to silently talk to one another as if analyzing the whole explanation.

The men were sinking in their fear while Rusty muttered, "I don't like it when those two have their silent talks."

Danny agreed. "I know…especially when they don't say everything in their words. They use that women intellectual slash instinctual code."

"That code is very dangerous."

"Yup, we should be very wary."

"What do you think their going to think?"

"We can hope they believe us."

"We told the truth!"

"I know…shush before they hear you. But you know them as well as I do. They always have a way of--- figuring things out."

"Like what?"

"You know… figuring out that we didn't say everything; figuring out that we were lying."

"Oh, I hate when that happens."

"Me too. Me too."

Tess and Isabel were finally done with their own conversation. They turned to the men and expectantly looked at them. They didn't say anything.

Danny and Rusty didn't know what to do. So Rusty hesitantly said, "So…we're okay now?"

Silence…. Until Tess exclaims sarcastically, "Okay!" The men winced at the sound of her hiss. "No, it is not okay."

"You two may be able to fool tons of men but not us." Isabel assured.

"Continue…" both women said.

Rusty was silent. He was shocked because Danny was right. Danny wasn't shocked. He was just freaked out. So he mumbled, "Um….."

"Um….what?" Tess questioned.

"Stupid intellectual, instinctual code…" Rusty muttered, mostly to himself. But Tess and Isabel both knew he said something but didn't know what.

"What?" Isabel asked.

Rusty looked to Danny. Danny looked to Rusty. They both shrugged as Rusty took the reins. "Well, you see we woke up. We found ourselves in an--- how do I say this? Um…. In an interesting situation."

Danny pointed daggers at Rusty. He was keenly conveying through his eyes that Rusty not tell them about how they slept.

Seeing this, Rusty conveyed through his eyes a "Duh! Of course I'm not going to tell!" look and continued to their ladies, "We had horrible hangovers when we got a knock."

"A ring." Danny interrupted.

"Whatever!" Rusty said. "We got a ringing knock. And there appeared a delivery boy who had a strange order from miles away. So we had to pay for it. We were about to clean everything up when I realized that the money that was used to pay for the large amount that cost for such a long and weird delivery boy's pizza was my money… we instead entered another arguing….predicament."

"Predicament such as…" Isabel slowly said.

"Well…." Rusty started but Danny quickly intervened. "We maybe got into a little fight…" he said.

"A fight?" Tess said. "As in fists swinging?"

"Or verbal fighting?" Isabel put in.

Danny scratched his cheek. "More like see whoever can break the most stuff while adding sophomoric insults kind of fight."

"I see…" Tess started. She and Isabel nodded as if understanding everything. Rusty and Danny didn't know whether to be relieved or cautious about that understanding.

"So you two." Isabel continued point at both of them. "You two had a ridiculous argument, went back to the temporary home we got you, started drinking, and destroyed the place."

Before any of the men could say anything, Tess added, "And then after waking up…you two had to pay a large sum for something you probably didn't remember buying, and when you Rusty figured out that my husband used your money to pay you both decided to get in a petty fight that involved the absolute decimation of all the things we bought for you two."  
Both men were silent. They knew the looks that their loves gave them. They were the looks of pure anger with a silent deadly assurance that indicated that the both of them would be punished…**harshly**.

"Um….yeah." Danny finally admitted.

"That's about it." Rusty finally said.

Surprisingly, Tess and Isabel didn't yell at them. Instead the ladies nodded, both said okay, and left the balcony. They left two very confused, anxious, and scared men who were trying to figure out if their leaving without yelling was a good thing or not.

"That went well." Danny said, letting his voice stop the silence that was formally between them.

"Quite well." Rusty agreed. He sighed a breath of relief but that relief soon disappeared when he said, "They didn't yell. That means their going to put on us a cruel punishment."

"Don't say things like that…" Danny snapped but he eventually agreed with a nod. "We should commit suicide right now."

"Yeah, cause they both will torture us before death."

"What'd you think they do?"

"I dunno. Deprive us of something?"

"Food?"

"Nah…money?"

"No…besides we'll just steal some. I don't know man."

"They're going to deprive us of something. I can feel it."

Silence. "Oh, no!"

"What?"

"They can't. That's just wrong."

"What's wrong?"

But then he too realized what the other realized. "Oh, no!"

"I know!"

"They wouldn't."

"Oh, they would."

"But why?"

"Because their women, they have the power, and we love them. That's why."

"But that'll just destroy us forever. We'll be utterly dry!"

"I know! That's why they'll deprive us of it."

"Oh…this is bad."

"Very bad. We need to do something. We can't be deprived of something that makes us live."

"I agree but what?"

"I don't know…"

"Oh, that helps."

"Shut up!"

"You shut up!"

"Us arguing now won't help us stop their impending depriving of a man's natural thing."

"You started it."

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Not!"

"Did!"

"Not!"

"Did!"

"Not!"

"Not!"

"Did!"

"Ha!"

"Oh!" Pause. "Whatever!"

"Okay no more arguing."

"Okay."

"So what are we going to do?"

Silence.

"I don't know."

"Wow! That's such a wonderful helper."

"Shut up!"

"You shut up!"

"Idiotic man whore."

"Momma's horny boy."


End file.
